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    Couples Counseling

    Feeling Dissatisfied in Your Relationship?

    Are you feeling disconnected and unappreciated in your relationship? Do repetitive discussions lead to no real change. It may feel like your relationship is withering month by month, and you can’t seem to stop it.  You might even be contemplating separation, but aren’t ready to make such a significant decision.

    My Personal Journey

    One of the most painful episodes in my life was the slow death of my marriage.  Our attempts at couples counseling only rehashed the same arguments we had at home. The subsequent divorce was  a costly, punishing, and emotionally agonizing experience for our entire family. It took me years to recover from the physical and emotional exhaustion. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

    Finding Bliss

    I’ve since remarried, and my husband is my best friend. We are blissfully happy. You may find it hard to believe when I describe our relationship as “blissful.”  If someone told me ten years ago that I could live at this level of happiness, I wouldn’t have believed them either.  Back then, I believed that all marriages were as difficult as mine, and that those who claimed to be happy were merely pretending. While I can’t guarantee you perpetual bliss, but can you imagine moments of genuine happiness in your marriage?

    Enhance Your Partnership

    Allow me teach you valuable tools to enhance your partnership.  I will guide you in fighting for your relationship and for each other, with love, helping you create a fulfilling and joyful connection. I utilize Relational Life Therapy which enable couples and individuals understand the underlying causes of their conflicts, move away from constant conflict, and work together to solve your problems.

    Benefits of Relational Life Therapy

    RLT provides a clear framework for understanding your problems and  straightforward tools you can immediately implement to improve your relationship. We will identify the specific strategies that contribute to your relationship’s struggles. We will address topics such as self-esteem, boundaries, and effective communication strategies.  As you practice these skills, you will become better partners, and build a better, more fulfilling relationship.

    Incorporating EMDR Therapy

    EMDR therapy and brainspotting are powerful tools for de-escalating emotions difficult relationships. It is important in helping clients release old relational skills, and learn new and better skills.  

    Schedule a Complimentary Consultation

    I would delighted to share more information about Relational Life Therapy. If you are interested, please email me to schedule a complimentary, thirty-minute consultation with no obligations. It’s crucial that both partners participate in the couples consultation as I believe that everyone deserves a cherishing relationship.

    Pricing

    Couples therapy is $450 per ninety minute session The initial two hour session is $600 (I do not take insurance).

    FAQs about Couples Counseling

    How do I know if my marriage is over?

    If you aren’t sure, your marriage isn’t over. If your marriage is meant to end, you will feel it inside yourself. You will know.

    What can couples therapy help with?

    Couples therapy can teach you to treat each other with warm regard and respect. Disagreements will still happen, and your partner will upset you at times, just as you’ll upset them. However, you can learn to stay connected to your love for your partner, and work together for the good of your marriage. I use Relational Life Therapy(RLT), which  offers tools like Feedback Wheel and Timeouts can help reduce tension and conflict, and the Relationship Grid to improve dynamics. RLT helps build understanding, trust, mutuality, and intimacy in your relationship.

    How do you choose a marriage counselor?

    Your counselor should have training specifically in couples therapy. I use the Relational Life Therapy model, which clients find useful for understanding their dynamics, and improving communication. Other good models for couples counseling include the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, and Imago Relationship Therapy. A therapist without couples therapy training is unlikely to be helpful.  

    What does it mean when a couple fights all the time?

    Constant fighting in a relationship could indicate a power struggle, self-esteem issues, trauma history,  or communication misunderstandings.  A knowledgeable couples counselor who can help you recognize what’s happening, why it’s happening, and how to change it.

    Is couples counseling expensive?

    An unhappy marriage holds a lot of hidden costs, such as emotional shopping, alcohol, and other drugs, reduced work effectiveness, and a bad mood affecting other important relationships. Distressed marriages increase inflammatory proteins linked to health issues like heart disease, cancer, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, and depression. An unhappy marriage with kids can lead to increased mental health challenges for them. Your children learn about marriage by watching you and your spouse. Work towards a marriage you’d be proud to model for them. 

    If couple counseling is more than you can afford, consider listening to the audiobook Fierce Intimacy and working on the skills together. You could also go to an individual counselor who accepts your insurance to get individual help with relationship skills. Sometimes, when one partner changes, the other partner will too.

    Where to get couples counseling? 

    There are many options for couples counseling.  The easiest is online couples counseling.  Clients who work with me like the ease and convenience of online counseling. You won’t fight traffic. You won’t spend time commuting. You won’t run into other people.  More importantly, you can meet with several counselors in your state online, and pick the one that is the best fit for you and your spouse.

    Is online counseling safe?

    In general, yes.  You will want to confirm that your therapist uses a HIPAA compliant video platform. Just like an in-person therapist, you will also want to confirm that they are a licensed therapist in your state.  I offer online counseling for couples via Simple Practice, a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform created for healthcare providers.

    What can couples therapy help with? 

    Whatever the current stressor, a couples counselor will help you understand the underlying dynamic of your fights.

    Very often,we are fighting in the present using unhelpful responses we learned in the past. If you learned in the past that the way to deal with conflict is to shut down, you are probably doing that in your marriage.  If you learned that anger and yelling was the most effective way to deal with conflict,you are probably doing that now.

    Learning and implementing new communication skills will help you understand each other better, and work as a team.

    Can couples counseling really work?

    Absolutely! And it is hard work. You will have to practice the skills between sessions. You will want to slip into old, unhealthy habits because they are familiar and automatic.  But if you put in the hard work, you can have a reinvigorated, healthier, more intimate relationship.

    There are some things that prevent successful couples counseling, including active affairs, active and untreated substance use problems, and untreated mental health challenges, and domestic violence.